Thursday, July 14, 2011

The YOU Plan

My first blog post has sparked some discussions with friends about happiness and more specificly happiness when it comes to being in a relationship. Almost all of the friends I have talked to in the past few weeks have expressed to me that when they were younger they thought that they would be married with kids by their mid twenties. I think this is a common thought process for a lot of us. We think that we will have life all figured out by the time we reach our mid twenties, but the reality is life is a lot more complicated then we once thought as kids. Life is not a fairy tale, there is no prince charming coming to carry us away on his white horse. We often think that the perfect relationship will complete us but the truth is that that no one can complete us but ourselves.

I have so many beautiful, smart and amazing girlfriends that think something is wrong with them because they are still single. You know who you are, and this blog is dedicated to you! I completely understand the pressures that come with age and wanting to get married and having kids. I would be lying if I said I don’t sometimes think about it myself. The single most important thing us single girls (and guys) can do for ourselves is to just focus on you. And I’m not talking about this in a selfish way. I'm talking about investing your time in things that make you happy and work towards your life goals (i.e. career, fitness, hobbies etc.). When you are doing what you love and being yourself it will show. The authentic happiness vibes that you are sending out are very attractive because you are being yourself. So basically what I’m telling you is to stop looking for a man and thinking something is wrong with you because you are amazing! Just be yourself, it's as simple as that! OK it’s not exactly that easy but the point is that the most attractive thing about a person is when they are just being themselves. It's not the clothes your wearing or the shoes you have on, it's the confidence you are portraying while doing what you love.

When I was in college I fell in love for the first time. It was like nothing else mattered in the world to me except being with my boyfriend. Knowing that we were in love was the best feeling in the world and I couldn't wait to get married and have kids. I made a lot of mistakes in that relationship which ultimately caused our relationship to end. I was so wrapped up in being a part of a “we” that I completely forgot about myself. I learned a very valuable lesson: you can't love someone until you truly love yourself.

After that breakup my dad gave me one of the best pieces of advise: “Don't put all your eggs in one basket”. We all have different areas of interest in our lives; career, friends, family, love, hobbies, health, etc. When one is not up to par you have other interests to fall back on. And as I learned the hard way, when you put all your eggs in one basket (love) and it ends, you lose a lot more. As simple as this advise might sound I think people have a tendency to get caught up in certain areas of our lives and forget about others. The key to having complete happiness is balance.

When you fill your life (baskets) with great people, hobbies, and interests, you are setting yourself up for long-term happiness. It's not always about being happy in the moment, but more importantly it's about seeing the big picture of your life and appreciating everything you have going for you. When you fill all of your baskets so they overflow, you put yourself in a position to not only be truly happy yourself, but you have the ability to offer yourself to others. The more you have to offer others the more attractive you become. People are drawn to those that make them feel good and contribute to their lives in a positive ways.

I think that we sometimes lose track of the big picture if life. It's not about finding the perfect relationship but investing in yourself because no natter what is happening around you, you can always count on yourself. Don't get comfortable in life even if you have found the perfect relationship. Working on yourself and overflowing your baskets is only going to have a positive affect on both yourself and your significant other. And to take it a step further, if you are in a relationship that is not allowing you to invest in yourself, get out now! It's never too late. Having a wonderful relationship is just the icing on the cake, it's not the cake itself. Always invest in your own happiness.